do what you told him that you would do, work on yourself.
make yourself your project. Write a journal, read books both self help and fictional, take long warm baths and do what you promised the boy you loved that you would do take care of you. Trust me no matter how far they go or how many years they go away for if they love you and it is meant to be life will throw you two back together. Trust me it happened to me.How do i cope with a breakup?
I guess the best way to deal with this type of break up is to expect nothing. It's hard to accept that but it's the only way you can free yourself from ';going crazy';. You say that you two broke-up to deal with personal issues. Well deal with them, for your own sake.
It is hard to break free from love. I know because I am going through the same thing right at this very moment. Except I am 26 and we live together and have been together for over a year. Which isn't very long but love has no time limits. It hurts, I hate it but I do know that there is love and life after heart break.
We all cope in different ways and I'm sure you are going to have nights of sleeplessness over this but time heals all wounds.
Maybe you will get back together and maybe you won't. Like you said you can't predict the future.
So look into the future with only you in mind. That's all you have to live with now. Plus you have all of your friends and family who adore you and wish good things for you.
Much success and happiness to you. :)
Eat Chocolate.
Find anything and everything to keep busy. Join things; clubs groups, activities, sports, etc.
Go to the movies, go out with your friends, go to social functions, volunteer your time for a good cause, volunteer some community service....stay busy....stay busy busy busy. Whatever it takes do it. Don't be alone, cuz then you'll just start thinking....and you'll end up rationalizing your way back into things again and rip open the wound.
Just do whatever you can to stay busy....that's the ticket.
Keep yourself busy. Get a hobby. You'll know when you meet the right person.
get over it, move on, find someone new to love
Ask yourself why did u break up anyway. What issues? Don't date until your ready.
try hanging out with your girl-friends and leaning on them for support...see what the single life is like.....try reading books and meditating to forget about him......mind-clearing exercises like Yoga may help
being single is not the worst thing in the world...it may very well be the best thing in the world, give it a try!
Break-ups; How To Survive Them
The loss of a relationship can be incredibly hard - you can feel so much pain. There's not only the grief from losing someone important in your life, but the pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear as well. Sometimes this is the hardest part - having to totally readjust your view of how you saw your life unfolding in the next 5 to10 years. Suddenly, you can't see into the future and it's scary.
Feeling Like You're Starting Over
You may feel like you're starting over - that you've lost everything that was important to you and you're not sure what to do anymore. It may be hard for you to imagine your life without your partner - your lives have been so intertwined.
Let yourself know that you will get through this.
Having an Identity Crisis
You may experience an identity crisis, not knowing who you are any more without your partner. Not necessarily because you didn't have your own identity while in the relationship, but that your relationship had become part of that identity.
This too will change and you will feel more secure in yourself again.
Feeling Triggered
Break-ups can hurt immensely and shake us to our very core. They can throw us right back to the feelings we had in our first relationships - the ones we had with our parents.
If as a child, your relationship with your parents were loving and supportive, you may find yourself wanting to be with them, even wanting to be a child again when it felt safer and easier.
If your relationship with your parents was difficult, lacking, or abusive you may feel some of the feelings that you felt with them (even if you weren't aware of them as a child.) You may feel as though you are drowning in grief and feelings of abandonment. If you feel as though you are being punished or that the break-up means that you are unloveable, or unworthy of love, you are probably triggered - those are messages, beliefs or feelings that usually originate in childhood.
At times of loss, it is very common for feelings, beliefs and memories from past hurts, traumas, and losses to come up. Not only are you dealing with the present loss, but your past losses as well. No wonder, it hurts so much! And, there are ways to cope with triggers.
How To Survive The Triggers
It is really important that you try to separate out which of your feelings, beliefs and responses belong to the present situation and which ones belong to the past. This is hard to do when you're feeling overwhelmed but it can also help you to feel less overwhelmed. Separating past and present feelings will help you to attach less of your pain to the break-up and can help you to feel more hopeful about getting over this break-up, because maybe you are not as upset about the break-up as you thought. You're still just as upset but it can be helpful to know that it's not all about the break up, that some is also coming from the past.
Ways of separating the past from the present include:
* Ask yourself where your feelings are coming from, and notice what you become aware of, including later on in the day.
* Notice whether your feelings are familiar to you - whether you've felt this way before - and if so remind yourself that some of your feelings are probably coming from the past.
* Spend time being aware of the past origins of your feelings if you know, and if that's not too overwhelming for you.
* Let yourself know that even if you don't know where all of your feelings are coming from, it's likely that some of how you are feeling is from the past.
Stages of Grief
You will get through this, even if it doesn't feel like that right now. Grief moves in stages - it has a beginning, middle, and an end phase. It might help to know where you are in the process.
In the beginning, you may feel in shock, denial, or numb. It may be hard for you to believe what has happened. It may be hard to make sense of it all. You may find yourself expecting to come home to your partner or for her/him to call at a regular time only to discover that's not the case any longer. It may take awhile for you to fully comprehend that the relationship is over.
YOU DON'T.
* How to Get Over a Break Up *
We all go through breakups. They can be rough, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. Breakups are handled differently by different people. These steps may not be perfect for everyone, but they can help!
Steps
Realize what happened and why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this is not all your fault. It takes two people to make a relationship start, and two people to have lead it to the break up.
Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt and feel alone and feel like you have messed up. But you have to know that you are a good person and this is not all one-sided.
Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no IMing, and most importantly, no sex- not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).
Think through everything in your head. Maybe even try to ask yourself what went wrong. But you also have to think of why you two broke up. There had to have been a reason for it all to end, right? If there was a reason but it wasn't a good one, then this person isn't worth your time.
Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the ';split'; was. You may even feel like you hate yourself, but get out of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart for no reason.
Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too and that you don't need this sort of pain.
Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to ';get'; what you're supposed to be learning from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.
Keep fond memories. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, try to think of how happy that memory used to make you, and leave it at that.
Don't overreact. You may be feeling lonely, and want to be with someone, but don't go back to your ex unless you really believe you should be together. Likewise, don't jump into another relationship as a rebound, just to make yourself feel better. It's not fair to the other person, and will eventually lead to another breakup.
Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that there's more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things.
Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and having hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was very unique and special in a lot of ways, all good things must come to an end. And when they do, that's when you see all the flaws in your relationship and that it's best that you aren't together.
Tips
You have to walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you could give. If you feel all this and that you did your part, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you'll be just fine.
Do not put yourself through more pain than you have to. Do not think about where he or she would be right now and if you should visit. Don't try to talk to him or her about the break up. Don't make yourself think negatively about yourself or your judgment, or anything else that will make you doubt your decisions or yourself.
Listen to a song that makes you feel empowered and happy. Do it as often as you need to.
If you want to save things from the relationship (letters, ticket stubs, that cute pink teddy bear), put it in a box. Put all of your other ex's things in the box, too. Look through the box every once in awhile; you'll see that yes, he or she was important, but you were you before that person came along, and you will be you now.
Remember that your ex is trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that.
As trite as it may sound, this one bears repeating: find something constructive to do -- something that will hold your attention and require you to focus and get interested. Once you've spent a few days (or weeks) indulging the grief, it's time to take a class or maybe join a book group. Find something that gets you out of the house and out of your circular thought process and involves your brain or your creative side. Sometimes you've forgotten who you were before you hooked up with the person you're so sad about now, and you need to wake yourself up a bit and remember that you used to have fun doing things you've forgotten about since then. You've got a brain, go use it for something besides re-running old memories!
Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Before you find Mr. or Miss right, many relationships will have come and gone. Everything happens for a reason, so when you go through another break up, you're actually getting closer to finding your future bride or groom.
Warnings
Don't look for distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache. You're *supposed* to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Ride it out--turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your ';distraction'; wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. You will feel better.
If you were the one who got ';dumped,'; avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask them questions about what went wrong, and try to ';fix'; everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much harder and more painful than it needs to be.
Things You'll Need
You can do it without the following items, but they are highly recommended for the most rewarding (yes, really!) experience possible:
A few shoulders to cry on. It really does help to talk about it, preferably to more than just one person (if only to give your best friend some relief).
A Teddy Bear (for hugs and to talk to at 4am when everyone else is asleep.) Dogs and cats will do too, although pets may not always give you quite that loving sympathetic gaze and undivided attention that bears are so good at.
Hot showers (As much as you may not even want to get out of bed, much less get in the shower -- *sniffle* ';who cares if I wash my hair now, anyway?'; --you WILL feel better after a shower, or a nice long soak in the tub. Hot water relaxes tense muscles, soothes anxiety and refreshes puffy, tear-stained faces.
Paper and pens (a journal is perfect, paints and glue and other illustration tools, even better!)
Funny movies and absorbing novels can be a great temporary respite and laughter can really lighten your mood.
If you're one of the millions who try to fill that empty sad feeling through your mouth (which usually doesn't work because food isn't what you're missing), fill the fridge with celery sticks and other light snacks that you won't regret later if you just have to munch.
Your sense of humor and your knowledge that ';this too shall pass';.
Lots of tissues.
give it alot of Time Time Time Time i know it hurts every waking moment its only been a week for me here.... but its slowly getting easier just keep busy and give it time . make sure u have other things to do.. hang out with friends.. make new friends.. just let him live his life and you live yours
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