Anybody tell me How I can cope with this?

I had an experience today that made me reevaluate the things that really matter in my life, and i realized I am afraid of losing my ex. Makes no sense right? Well me and my ex had a bitter breakup about 6 months ago and have not contacted each other because he is extremely mad at me, and i have gave in to my ego plenty times trying to get things right. And i have been great ever since i though i let it go. I realized if he died tomorrow i would probably go into depression because we were friends for 4 years and bf and gf for 3 years we were best friends and today i balled in my car because i just dont want to leave this earth or him leave this earth angry its nonsense life is too short. I just wish i could call him but he wont answer. Its no use how can i get this out of my mind?Anybody tell me How I can cope with this?
it may take him more time to get over the breakup...the best thing you can do is try to find another bf . at some point in the future maybe your ex will allow you to chat with him a bit if just to clear the air

brown hair

trojan