recently, it was only about a week ago, i was raped by an old family friend that i had gone to high school with. i was at home visiting my mom and decided to go visit this friend. when i got to his house everything was normal. we had dated briefly back in high school and he is about a year younger than i am. when we dated back in high school we had been great friends before and after we dated. we had never had sex together at all...ever. well when we were hanging out he was coming onto me and i kept on telling him no stop and that i didnt want to do it. he got really out of hand and raped me. its hard to talk about and definitely is hard to think about. my questions are about my current boyfriend. we have only been together for about a half a year but it has been the most happy relationship i have ever been in. i truly love him and i know that he loves me very much. he was at home in pennsylvania (about 500 miles away) when this happened. as soon as i got a chance he was the first person i told. the cops have dealt with it and all that stuff is being dealt with by proffesionals. but when i first told him he freaked out and didnt talk to me for like two hours. once he talked to me again he sounded very angry which obviously makes since. he was very short with me. made sure i called the cops and everything. but after talking for a minute he stopped talking like he didnt know what to say or do. he said these exact words ';im sorry but i dont know if i can deal with this, i dont think i can help you anymore.'; it was vague but i asked him if he was breaking up with me over this situation that neither of us could control. he replied ';i dont know. i dont know what to do. how can i help theres nothing i can do. i just dont know, i need time to think.'; we didnt really talk for the next day. we both came back home (we live in the same apartment complex just different rooms). at first when he came back we didnt hang out or anything immediately. but that night we got together and talked. at first he didnt say a word for a long time but after a little while i started talking to him. the first thing that came to my mind to say was that i love him very much and im so sorry that this happened. he immediately held me and said he knows i love him and that its not my fault so theres no need for me to say sorry and that he was sorry he didnt know what to do. we talked for the next little while and he was very caring, holding me, not acting anything out of the ordinary then. i asked him how he felt and he said he wasnt sure what to feel. i asked him if he thought we would get through this and if he was serious about breaking up and if he still loved me. he told me that only time would tell if we would get throught this ok but he would try his hardest to do what he can, that he didnt really want to break up he was just panicking, and that of course he still loves me. from a guys perspective can some people tell me what to possibly expect and especially tell me what i can do to prevent any possible breakup and help my boyfriend cope with the fact that his girlfriend got raped and help him not feel so uselessI was recently raped...it sucked...but my boyfriend has been acting very strange, how does he feel?
I kind of don't like the way your boyfriend acted. You didn't need to feel like it was your fault. He should have been completely supportive of you from the start. But I guess it's one of those things no one can change. Well he did a 180 so I wouldn't be too concerned. I don't think he'll break up with you. But any sign that he puts any blame on you or isn't supportive I hope you leave him. Because after such a traumatic experience you really need all the support and no doubt.
Joe - reproduction was not via rape. We're social animals. A lot of female animals choose their mates - they're the ones who are in control. And humans are one of those animals. Rape may have been for the deformed or the weaker males. Women didn't just sprout clitorises when we became 'civilised'. Also what about men raping other men or children - is that for reproductive value? I really don't like that somebody voted you up.I was recently raped...it sucked...but my boyfriend has been acting very strange, how does he feel?
I think he is dealing with grief in his own way. But he did say that he loves you and is supportive. Give it some time, like he said.
OK, there is so much to deal with here. First, the act of rape is about domination, it goes back to cave man days when all reproduction was via rape. The guy who did it is mentally sick. Now, going to the psychology, you feel inadequate in that you couldn't stop it. Your bf feels the same, but he is a man, supposed to protect you. His problem is dealing not with your rape but his inability to do something about it. Now it is all too late, you cannot change yesterday, you can only live today and plan and hope for tomorrow. The more you talk, the easier it may get. Show him this answer, anything to take him out of denial and make him see that tomorrow is so much more important than yesterday. If you can't take him there, you are done, find another. Good luck.
I agree with everything that everyone said I'm not a guy, but your boyfriend seems like a really good person to be with especially since he held you and told you those things. When you told him you got raped he wasn't expecting that and it disturbed him. He said he needs time to think, because hes confused. Just keep taking it a day at a time, talk things out because it's a hard thing knowing your girlfriend/goyfriend got raped.
you're in my prayers. :]
This is a really hard question to answer. Honestly, there isn't much you can do. He is probably really angry with the person who did this to you, and needs time to collect himself. If he loves you, things will workout. You need to worry about getting yourself through this before worrying about helping anyone else cope. I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. It's a good thing that you got the police involved, though. Keep your head up.
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