Is it surprising to learn that children suffer long term effects from their parent's divorce?

A study conducted 5 years after parents divorced revealed that for the children of that divorce: ';well over a third of the group were significantly worse off than before. Many of these children were clinically depressed, were doing poorly in school, and had difficulty with peer relationships.';





Source: Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope with Divorce, Judith Wallerstein





This is contrary to what the researchers thought they would find, and their original intent of the study was to prove that children, while they may have short term negative effects from divorce, do not suffer from long term effects.





What do you think the cause of this is?Is it surprising to learn that children suffer long term effects from their parent's divorce?
The cause is probably the fact that they grew up in a home with a lousy relationship, not the mere fact that their parents divorced.





I'll tell you first-hand that being a child of two separated parents is a lot less traumatic than being a child of fighting parents.





And I do mean first hand.





EDIT: Well, I haven't read the book, but I would think actually isolating the divorce as a causal factor to the exclusion of other parts of the relationship would be extremely difficult. The worst marriages probably end in divorce anyway, so (for example) it would be interesting to see if children of parents who WILL BECOME divorced are already affected.





But to me, it's between two bad situations: Divorce or a bad marriage. I don't claim to have the answers, but I agree the ideal is a stable marriage of two loving parents.





When I was pre-adolescent, my parents hit a very rough spot. I won't go into the details, but they split up for a few months and lived in separate places before patching things up with the help of a therapist.





I was thrilled when it was all over and my parents restored some level of normalcy and healthfulness in their relationship, but the separation was still better than the relationship that preceded it for about a year.





The night they split up was sad, but it was also the first night in a long time that I didn't cry myself to sleep over the sound of a broken relationship -- shouting, bitter remarks, storming off and slamming doors, tires screeching as someone drove away, etc. Sorry if that's too much information.Is it surprising to learn that children suffer long term effects from their parent's divorce?
It is a shame that too mny couples use the divorce route before exploring other options. Sure some may argue they went to a councillor. Maybe try going do a different councilor. Sometimes a difeerent or fresh perspective can make a difference. No one likes arguing and there is no excuse for constant violence. But far toomay relationships are not ending simply becase of these factors. Too often the grass is greener elsewhere and all the fighting is simply a distraction from what is really going on.
Prior to becoming a Realtor, I was a juvenile probation officer for almost ten years. Children (teens, youth, pre-teens, etc) thrive on structure. They want to know where the boudaries are, how far they can go.





The number one human to human relationship is designed to be a marriage. Children need to have a foundation - that foundation is ';Mom and dad will always be there.'; No matter who hates you at school, no matter what happens outside, no matter how much money the family has... the family is Daddy, mommy and me (and siblings). That is not supposed to break. When Mommy and daddy don't love each other any more, how can Jr. believe that they still love him?





Nothing can be trusted anymore. There are no absolutes anymore.





I grew up in a perfect home. My parents fought. My brothers and sister and I fought. We still do sometimes. My parents recently celebrated 50 yrs together. My sister's husband walked out on her and their two children. My older brother has 4 kids and married for 18 yrs. I have three and married for 10 years. I see a great difference between how my kids look at the world and how my sisters do.





Parents - don't stay in a bad marriage. Fix it. Divorced parents - show your kids that you love them. Don't tell them you love them. Subconsciously they wonder if your love for them will fade as did your love for their mother/father. And if you haven't re-married, fix your marriage. God wants that. That's what He planned. Don't let Satan win this one.
Of course that is not surprising - to answer your first question. Did not bother reading the rest of your comments. We have known for years that divorce has a devasting effect on kids.
I wonder if the cause might be that the adults forget that children might be grieving the loss of life as they knew it -- their families, sometimes their homes or schools, etc., and so they don't help the kids deal with their feelings of loss.





Unresolved grief is often an underlying cause of depression.
Not to be a cynic, but 1/3 probably underestimates the loving parents who use the children (unintentionally I am sure) as pawns in the ongoing game of ';I'm right';.....people are funny.
No. Why would that be surprising? Poor kids. Why do their parents not love their children enough (and each other) to want to stay together (if not for them, then at least for their children's sake)?
Did the study make any distinction between:





a) Kids whose parents were divorced but were nonetheless still on friendly terms,





and





b) Kids whose parents were divorced and who each thought their ex was the Spawn of Satan?





Without making that distinction, I'm afraid that children of divorced parents are being painted with too wide a brush.





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I'm wondering if that may be in part due to A. age of children upon divorce B. how the parents get along after the divorce and during the divorce.





I have noted, in working with children all these years, that the ones whose parents divorced when the child was under age 4, there were no adverse effects on the children IF the parents shared custody and got along.





Parental fighting, custody strife, using children as weapons against each other seems to have the biggest adverse effect.





EDIT - as a parent who divorced when my daughter was 2 and have always kept good relations with my ex husband (he's so much easier to get along with now that we're married to other peopel) I loved my daughter enough to NOT stay in a relationship where there was no love between the parents. My daughter learned how to love, how to have a relationship and how to get along with people you might not agree with. She would tell you that she is better off than many of her friends whose parents hate each other but stayed married for hte sake of the kids. No wonder my house was always full of kids escaping their homes.





I agree with Dude. Saw too much of that type of thing - parents who hated each other and fought viciously- when I was growing up as well. I vowed then to never do that to my kids - and I never have. I was also baffled by parents that had separate bedrooms - still baffles me.
I only pray that they learn from the errors of their parents and not make the same mistakes. Unfortunately, many do repeat the same mistakes of their parents, and the cycle goes on and on until some person is intelligent enough to stop the cycle
Children's of broken/divorced family may draw a few affection from their respective parents,that's why they suffer much.
In some cases...


My daughters are proof that it doesn't happen always...


I was very involved with them and I made sure my 'x' was also.


If both parents stay active in their children's life the effects are less severe
Going from a single 2 parent family to two single parent families is hard on anyone.





I knew my parents needed a divorce long before they knew it.
It may not be the divorce itself that is the problem but the way the divorce is handled (fighting over custody, etc) and the ensuing tension between the parents, which serves as a poor role model for adulthood.





Unfortunately, most divorces do not end agreeably and it is the tension, bickering, backbiting, and power struggle which is the real harm rather than the actual divorce settlement.





I posit that the same study conducted on children reared in unhappy marriages that did not end in divorce will show similar symptoms.