How to deal with the Pain of an unwanted breakup?

I need advice on dealing with the pain of a break up.


My ex is a very passive, follower type and i am very dominant and opinionated type person.


For the most part we had a healthy, happy relationship until the last few months, where we both became so overwhelmed with the other areas of our lives and our relationship greatly suffered. I left a month ago to stay with my father in a very VERY small town, surrounded by native reserves (i am not prejudice, but you can understand the environment) an my ex is still back in a large city. We both agreed it would be good to just relax and sort ourselves out. We have talked a few times, and he seems to be doing okay. He says that he still loves me, but he has gone out with other girls and is trying to figure himself out because he is ';confused';. I know deep in my heart that he is the one i want to be with, and i would at one time have bet my life on the fact that he wanted to be with me just as much. He pursued me for some time when we met, and we always had a very devoted relationship. I am an extremely emotional, and very sensitive person. I am not like normal people, who can go to the bar and hook up with people right after a break up. i cannot go on dates until i am ready-which can be up to a year. I thought that my ex would be the same, but he dated women shortly after our breakup. I have had more experience than him with relationships, and he has had next to none, so i understand his curious nature. But at the same time it hurts...he has since said that he wants to try and make it work, but that he is still scared and a bit confused.


what am i to do? i need to cope with this better. i have barely eaten or slept since our breakup, and i cry constantly-everyone i know tells me i need to get out more, meet people, and such, but that doesnt do it for me. it really doesnt. and the town i live in is full of drug addicts and gangs :( its very scary. So i have lots of free time stuck inside my house...I guess what i am trying to say is, i am going through this terrible breakup. i am still in love with my ex who is being very wishy washy about this whole thing. i know he loves me, but hes very confused and i cant be yanked around.


I need some good emotional and mental coping strategies to help me through this. i dont want to be angry and negative-that wont help me through this. But i do need help :( i am all alone up here, and i want to be okay.


and i guess if anyone knows...how do i deal with his dating other people? i am aware that he needs to grow and experience things, but it hurts for me to hear/visualize because i love him and i want to work through this with him.


I am in a sever amount of emotional pain, and it is making me physically ill...Please help :(


thanks everyone.How to deal with the Pain of an unwanted breakup?
im going thru my own big time marital problems right now but you are too assertive %26amp; too bossy, that is why he is in a shell, wishy washy and non assertive,


he may find a gentle woman who brings out the man in him.


my husband is too mean and i am the soft one, but i can tell you your man has no business dating women, he is married to you. get back to him, change your style, be feminine, and most of all be there for him. start with church, give it a good try, let God fix it.How to deal with the Pain of an unwanted breakup?
A woman that prays is the woman that stays....FAITH and LOVE
take a breath calm yourself, and understand everything takes time to heal. Your ex has moved on, now you must do the same. Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. Look on the web for sites on divorce or getting over a break up.
I hear you....i'm going through it right now with my ex. But have been through it many times with him because I have kids by him, but this is my turning point. You have to keep your head up, find distractions wether it's onlinebootycall.com or chatting with different guys. You don't necessarily have to go on dates I've been seperated from my ex for 4 years and still find it hard to move on you don't want to wait that long but these other guys messaging you will help you, also you have to help yourself. Fix yourself up when you go out even if it's just to the store, get a journall and write about the hurtful feelings your having and ask yourself I know you love him but is it worth it for you feel the way you do when I know it would soothe you for him to simply say that he wants to work things out. I wish you the best!!!
I think it bothers you that he isn't still chasing after you and being overly dramatic about your breakup. I suspect that you have been controlling all through your relationship [through dominance and opinions]. Now he has started dating again, which must scare the heck out of you. What if he finds someone where he doesn't have to deal with all the drama, and decides that he would rather be with her?





Are you working at all? Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and worrying about who you are going to find to date in that small town, perhaps you can find some positive, constructive way to spend your time. If, as you say, that doesn't do it for you, then I suppose you will just have to keep on doing what you have been doing, knowing that it isn't helping your get over your breakup, or doing anything to repair your relationship with your ex. I caution you that people soon tire of hearing/seeing all the drama.





Good luck.
have sex with some one else
Well if it was me ... I would have slept with someone.. that helps me .. the best way to get over someone is to get under another... but in ur case you are moping around wishing he was suffering too.. he was not ready to settle down and if its this easy to start dating someone else.. he never loved you.. I am just telling you how it is. you deserve better and once you are ready you will find him.. don't settle. be picky don't end up with someone you dont' wanna be with all the time.. they should be your best friend and once you find that make it yours and never leave. its hard to move on but time heals... I am 27 and just got outta a 4yr relationship and he is seeing someone else and well I hope she has fun dealing with his alcoholism and video gaming.. let him be someone else's problem... u will be better off I promise.. If you get back together in the future.. then it was meant to be. maybe its just the wrong time and place
Don't listen to these idiots that say have sex to fulfill yourself emotionally. It won't work. It may just make things more complicated and worse.





If I were you I would tell my ex what I was feeling and why. It may make you feel better and eleviate some of your anxiety too. I think you need to reflect on the whole relationship not just get nestalgic about the good times because you are lonely and miss him. It also might be that you were comfortable with him and now that you are in a new place and lifestyle that you are scared of what the future holds too.





I would recommend that you discuss this with him but not go back to him. It ended for a reason and it does sound that he needs to sew some oats still. However, it does seem like he has moved on and you haven't which is shy he is sharing (with his new friend/you) and you are feeling hurt about it (because you still romantically dwell on him and haven't moved on). I do think that part of this is so hard because of your isolation and lack of other stuff going on in your life that would make you feel fulfilled and give you joy. Even in rural areas there are things you can do and relationships you can make (friends or romantic) that you can benefit from. Make a list of your interests and then find ways to make them happen. Really make the effort. Are you working? Going to school? Active in social events or activities? Do you have friends? Even if you don't feel like going out there and doing it once you make yourself do it you'll find yourself happier. (I can almost garantee it.) After all, he who frowns always is sad but he who smiles and does enjoyable things shaw begin to know joy! It is an ancient proverb but very true (and scietific studies show this is true too). Good luck.

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